JRVG – Final Fantasy 15

10 years.

10. years.

It took them 10 years to make this undiluted cup of cold piss.

What the shit were they doing the whole time?

I’ll tell you what they weren’t doing; developing a way to make the four lead characters not a cavalcade of wankery permeated by the occasional detour into full-blown shitbag territory. Perhaps Square Enix should be praised for coming up with the four worst characters in the history of video games.

The new order is:
4. Kane & Lynch

3. Nathan ‘Nate’ Drake

2. Link (or Zelda, or whatever, nobody cares)

1.  The four pricks from Final Fantasy 15

What’s strange is that these guys aren’t tropes, they aren’t stereotypes, they aren’t unoriginal or bland reproductions (This cannot be said for the female characters, who are treated with about as much dignity as we’ve come to expect from video games). They are just bad. They are bad people and they deserve bad things to happen to them.

Listen, I get it. The translation from Japanese to English doesn’t help the dialogue and makes it seem stilted (that’s putting it generously). But some of the non-sequiturs they come out with are so unbelievably jarring that you can assume the writers only experience of human interaction is to have had it described to them with sock puppets.

And this is to say nothing of the fact that the game is aggressively boring.

4 white dudes. In a car. Doing fuck all.

10 years.

It sits you down with the bros, after getting the ultra fuck-off from your Dad, and you just sort of start the game. No direction, no instruction, no plot to speak of. Just ‘off you go, you unlikable dullard’.

I played it for maybe 2 hours before I completely and utterly gave up. I think it was about the time the game asks you to go fish for some random stray cats dinner then tells you that the cat only eats cooked fish. Nah. Fuck that.

Try not to look at the case in the shop/10.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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JRVG – Watch Dogs 2

I didn’t play the original Watch Dogs. I was a little late to the Current Generation (Cunt-Gen?) party and early releases like Watch Dogs & TitanFall passed me by. Both have received sequels in the past few weeks so I was torn as which to pick up, play and dismiss as utter pish. I plumped for Watch Dogs 2 as I’ve played a lot of shooty-shooty-bang-bang games recently and fancied mixing it up a bit.

It’s not strictly true to say I never played the original actually. I did tool around on it for 15 minutes at my friends house once whilst he was taking a shit. From what little time I had with it, I inferred that the main character was some kind of high-functioning automaton who had witnessed human beings express emotions and decided to give it a whirl, presumably questioning how difficult could it really be?

Fairly difficult, it transpires. To describe him as wooden is to describe the Himalayas as a mild bump in the road. In other words; he was shit, and the game was boring. Usually it takes me more than 15 minutes to come to this conclusion but I realised I had played this game before. It was Assassins Creed with a modern skin. And not the good Assassins Creed. Not Assassins Creed 2 with all its high-drama, exquisite setting and Ezio ‘out of my way, there be murdering a-foot’ Auditore da Firenze. It was all the other shit ones (Assassin’s Creed 1, 3, Unity and Syndicate for those keeping score).

So when I did join the Cunt-Gen, I left Watch Dogs on the shelf. I was surprised to see it get a sequel (a redundant position, I appreciate, given the state of modern video games). Yet there it was, announced as blazenly as you’d like, like the first wasn’t a boring piece of unimaginative tripe built on a genuinely promising idea (the worst crime of all, in this writer’s opinion).

The new Watch Dogs promised a ‘lighter tone’ and a ‘more engaging lead character’. Not particularly ambitious ideals, given that the original opened with the grizzly murder of a small child and a protagonist who’d struggle to come last in a popularity contest. At least, however, Ubisoft realised the major flaws in it’s game and sought to address them. They would also need to make the game fun as well but one thing at a time, eh chaps?

For the uninitiated, the Watch Dog series centres around the idea of an elite-level hacker (for reference; more cracking NSA databases, less able to find your ex’s new boyfriend on Instagram) taking on ‘big brother’ at his own game and using his toys against him. So for instance hacking surveillance equipment, hijacking traffic control mechanisms etc to serve a given end. In terms of core gameplay imagine Grand Theft Auto with more Facebook gizmos and less surface-to-air missiles.

The GTA comparison is probably quite apt, as the worst part of each game is the dipshit main characters. I can’t remember the names of the three absolute shitbags that comprise the heroes of GTA but I do know that they were all whining little pedants who were as multi-dimensional as an episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys. Aiden Pierce, the tosspot from Watch Dogs Uno, was no better. Moping around in his wankish hat and coat, believing that levity is a trick accomplished by David Blaine. Seriously, remember the drip that was the Assassin’s Creed overarching hero, I think his name was Desmond (seriously). Compared to Aiden Pierce, he was positively effervescent.

So how does Watch Dogs 2 succeed in it’s mission to cheer things up a bit and make the main character not a detestable waste of virtual oxygen? Well, they ditched Dickbag Mcghee in what will surely win the award for ‘Most Mindnumbingly Obvious Decision’ of 2016 and replaced him with the immediately more interesting Marcus Holloway. How about the tone? It is drastically improved. San Francisco does a fine job of setting a colourful and vibrant environment for new series and it makes an immediate impact on the games overall feel.

However, a bright and breezy setting with an emphasis on colour and contrast does not necessarily make a game good (Sunset Overdrive, I am looking pointedly in your direction). It’s the San Franciscans themselves that really bring the game to life. They live, for want of a better phrase. They interact with the player to add a layer of immersion that shoots new life to the open world formula.

For instance, one of the first things the game asks you to do is go buy some new clothes (after you wake up in your pants, head still wringing from the beach party the night before). I obliged, opting for an edgy combination of shirt, waistcoat, jeans and trainers, and immediately sought to take a selfie; this being 2016 and me being such a twat. To my delight and surprise, one of the other shoppers photobombed me!

The unmitigated cheek of it!

So naturally I beat them to death with the protagonists melee weapon of choice (which appears to be a snooker ball wrapped in a sock?) but once I’d calmed down, I realised what a clever, original and simple method this was to make the city feel genuinely alive. Pedestrians in these types of games are usually reduced to hapless death-magnets either not interacting with, or being mercilessly gunned down by, the player character.  At least these people on some level have more playful side, and it’s this virtue that makes you want to protect them, or at least not view them as expendable target practice.

The game plays out with a rather spunky, fresh feel. Characters are likable, even, god forbid for video game writing, actually funny. The action is tense and varied; mixed up nicely with the emphasis on stealth with the option to go Full Metal Jacket should the situation be FUBAR’d. Some of the pop culture references are a tad contrived but entertaining nonetheless and the driving is wank-flavoured lollipops but if those are my only grievances, Watch Dogs 2 is on to something.

Making a mistake is forgivable, correcting it is admirable and Ubisoft deserve a lot of credit for putting this series back on track.

 

 

 

 

 

 

JRVG – Mass Effect

Even in November, the time of the year when every AAA publisher farts out their latest sequel, remake, re-mastering, revisioning etc there is still short gaps between actual releases.

So to fill the void (which I know concerned you all) I thought I’d throw in a review of the greatest video game of all time; Mass Effect.

mass-effect-11.jpg

‘Wut?’ I hear the peasants cry from the peanut gallery.

Mass Effect, the first in the series, is a wonderfully composed and brilliantly produced video game. Released in 2007, Mass Effect was unlike anything I had seen before. It had everything; a compelling plot, likeable and despicable characters, an original and intriguing setting and gorgeous artistic design.

The game is ostensibly a 3rd person shooter, but you may as well call a Boeing 747 a paper aeroplane. The mechanics for interacting with the world extend way beyond blowing a few dozen holes in the wall. It is all about the conversation system and certainly at the time I can remember it blowing my mind. A comprehensive series of responses are presented to the player before whichever goober you were taking to task that minute had finished speaking. Pre-empting their positions, and being ready with either a witty comeback or a willing compromise (or, in some cases, pistol whipping them back to the Stone Age) gives the game a sense of flow and dynamism that very few other titles can match. Crucially, this makes conversation a joy and not a chore, and the pace benefits massively as a consequence.

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The story is original, if not spectacularly so, but it’s true virtue lies in the universe it resides in. From the proverbial get-go, you are thrown head first into an established world of spacefaring adventurers, terrifying aliens and a galactic political landscape infested with intrigue, backstabbing and power-plays. There is no slow build up in ME, no lengthy exposition to establish the narrative (looking at you, entire Metal Gear series). The pace is maintained from the outset too; you are already midway through a reasonably important mission when things take a turn for the galactically disastrous and there you are, slap-bang in the middle of everything, centrally involved with events orbiting around you and your chiselled jaw.

The motley crew of assorted characters is also a great strength of this game. Sure there are a few tropes in there; the grizzled former police officer (who happens to be a 7ft sort-of-cat-sort-of bird alien) and the feisty, spunky female soldier who takes precisely zero grams of shit from anyone whilst bantering off all-and-sundry.

mass_effect_1___07_by_gelvuun

However, generally the characters are nuanced enough to be refreshing. For instance the giant pig-bear-slug thing that is the ‘tank’ archetype; his people were the subject of a horrifying enforced sterilisation. Made all the more awkward by the fact that the guy who worked on the project is also on board your ship. This is not some fleeting grievance; one crew member was complicit in the worst atrocity in galactic history against the family of his erstwhile colleague. And these two are expected to get along, to work together? This is the developers layering the game with context, conflict and emotion and it is fantastic.

mass-effect-1

There are dozens of similar examples of Mass Effect creating a world for you to inhabit, modify and engage with. From the opening sequences to the final confrontation, you feel that there is something on the line worth protecting; a galaxy that has already been through the ringer enough times and yet that it deserves to survive. Its inhabitants are flawed, dangerous and perfect in their own way and they need your help and what this game does so flawlessly is make you want to do so, to make you feel that this place is worth saving. This is a rare and precious thing in video games.

 

 

 

 

 

JRVG – Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare

What a load of absolute shit.

Seriously, this game is terrible. It starts off with a name that makes zero sense and just gets worse from there.

All the worst aspects of this series are represented; tiresome gameplay, overdeveloped set-pieces that cast a shadow of indifference, maudlin dialogue that would be hammy if it wasn’t nonsense and yet more ‘press X to feel’ moments that should have died a death long ago.

The story is wank, the action is tepid and repetitive, visually it’s about as interesting as compost.

This is all to say nothing of IW’s ‘pay to win’ multiplayer where the COD superfanbase (aka The Legion of Turd) can pay real world money to unlock gear so while your faffing about with the introductory water pistol, they’re dropping an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile on your head from 600 miles away. And that is shit.

Avoid.

 

JRVG – Gears Of War 4

It is matter of historical record that I have played Gears of War 1 through 3. I am even able to admit that I enjoyed at least one of them, potentially even two. Yet this is exactly the issue, I can’t distinguish between any of them. I couldn’t tell you what happened in each one other than a few lightbulb memories relating to key events situated at some point in the Gears timeline. They are as follows:

Marcus is in prison, then he isn’t.
Dom is sad, then he’s dead.
The locust were there, then they aren’t.

Narrative wise, that’s about all I can muster. There were also some genuinely impressive moments of scale, with giant beasties coming out of the floor to try and smush you under their mighty limbs.

You know why I don’t think I can remember them? There is a systemic lack of subtitles in the Gears series. Its just 1,2, 3 & 4. (No I am not counting Judgement, I haven’t played that and it ruins my overall point). If Gears of War 2 had been called GoW2: Electric Boogaloo, then I’d stand a chance of remembering what the bloody hell actually happened. Instead its just a haze of men shooting, monsters dying and some of the most bizarrely drafted dialogue in the history of video games.

‘They’re sinking cities with a giant worm!’

The problem is, Gears is inherently fun. There’s a very good reason its core shooting and cover mechanic has been coopeted by literally every other game in the 3rd person shooter genre. It just works. You shoot, you duck, you shoot some more, then you nail the active reload like a complete and utter badass before chainsawing some genocidal monster’s head off.

There have been four five six of these flipping games and they haven’t changed a damn thing. They even rereleased the first one they were so confident that it’s fundamental design was still as strong as ever.

So GoW4: This Time There’s Robots is an unashamed copy & paste job. The ‘new’ enemy even looks, acts, sounds and presumably smells like the original locust horde.

Then how the devil is this game still good?! Because it is good, damn good. Other developers get pelters for releasing a game with no new features and deservedly so. The Coalition must be counting their lucky (consistently 4 out of 5) stars that they inherited a product so permanently appealing. Previous Gears developer EPIC Games presumably ditched the franchise because it was farcically easy to make.

The story is bland, average shooter fare but by no means the worst and to be fair, there’s little room for improvement on that front without totally ditching the established narrative design of the series. There’s a few of the original cast thrown in for anyone still pining for the days that Delta Squad would show up in a given situation before fluking their way out of it whilst chirping off with surprising joviality given their world is being chewed on by horrifying creatures.

GoW4: Back in the Habit may serve as a convenient introduction to the franchise for the uninitiated but to anybody that’s been following Marcus’s adventures since E-Day, this will simply seem like more the same.

Whether that’s a good or a bad thing, is entirely up to you.

 

 

 

JRVG – Battlefield 1

I know that in my intro to this blog I claimed that video games are a bit shit.

I swear they usually are. But not this time.

The confusingly named ‘Battlefield 1’ (despite being the 12th iteration in the series) is something of a triumph. Taking the fight back over 100 years (feel old yet?) to the Great War, the creators have taken a significant risk. For one reason or another, World War 1 has never quite captured the collective imagination as much as it’s feistier, funkier and altogether more dramatic younger brother.

Think about it, name the one stand-out cultural contribution that centres around the first world war. Its about a bloody horse (but more on them later). So what is it about the original global super-conflict that rings so hollow when adapted for entertainment purposes?

It’s got all your heavy hitters in there; Germany (principle villains) France (overly confident blag merchants) Britain (plucky sidekick) and America (testing the waters of their manifest destiny as international savers of the day). Plus Russia cast in that awkward ‘technically allies but secretly hates everyone and will eventually collapse in a giant ball of chaos’ role that they seem to have played consistently throughout human history.

It could very well be a case of that pesky ‘historical truth’ getting in the way of a bloody good narrative. It is a well established fact that Double U-Double U 1 was a protracted staring competition permeated by moments of unprecedented mayhem and destruction when one of the major players did accidentally blink. It was a very static affair, certainly as far as the western European front was concerned, with soldiers largely just living in holes full of water and writing some of the most depressing poetry ever recorded on the back of cigarette packets.

So as a movie, it would probably be more The Girl with the Pearl Earing (which if you’ve not seen it, is people doing precisely nothing except earnestly looking at each other for what feels like a lifetime) than Saving Private Ryan. But SPR took some liberties with it’s representation of events (soldiers just mooching about in the middle of occupied France in broad daylight, chatting away with their helmet straps jauntily tied to their chins like budget Halloween costumes) so why couldn’t Spielberg et al do the same with it’s predecessor?

Well, it’s exactly what DICE and EA Games have done. The battles depicted in Battlefield 1 are a heightened, fictionalised version of the most violent seen during the four year conflict. There will have doubtless been moments when opposing armies met directly in the field though they will have been fleeting instances at best. The war was typified by large scale mobilisations to positions that were inadequately defended, so the enemy troops would retreat to avoid losses. Perversely, a counter charge would likely be made soon thereafter and everyone would just end up exactly where they were.

This does not a spectacular and immersive video game make. Hence the liberties.

So that’s a little bit of the history out of the way, and why it was a risk for the developers to go in this bold direction. ‘What is the actual game like?’ I hear you cry.

It is, to borrow a phrase from one of the games British stereotypes; ‘effin’ brilliant. First and foremost, the developers have spared little expense of time or effort in rendering some of the most impressive landscapes and environments I have ever seen. Call of Duty (the most practical frame of reference for this type of game) is characterised by dreary grey and brown colour schemes, intended to convey the sheer hellish mundanity of war. It is effective in its own way but Battlefield 1 instead opts for a grandeur of colour and contrast that makes the player question the very validity and necessity of war itself. On one occasion I stopped, mid-game, to marvel at the wonderfully rendered Italian hills just afore a beautiful sunset. In the middle of it all, a horse reared up on it’s hind legs, rocked by a nearby shell exploding and I could do very little to prevent my jaw from dropping straight down. I wished away the carnage and death, hoping for peace that this beautiful vista might survive (and if that isn’t emotional reasonance then I don’t know what that actually means). Visually, I believe this game has few equals.

Though astounding skyboxes and terrain does little to prevent a game being a big old poop if its no fun (Dark Souls, anyone?) so how does the game feel to play? Again, DICE have hit the nail on the head as far as a unique and rewarding approach to the long established gunplay tropes of the first person shooter. Specifically, making it fun to blast virtual people again. It is easy to forget in the modern era, just what an unmitigated shitshow weapons of the early 20th century actually were. You only have to go back a few decades from WW1 to see grown men still farting about with muskets in bright red coats. The bolt action rifles and ‘machine guns’ of the time were as impractically heavy as they were unreliable. This heft is brought through into the game as each weapon packs a punch worthy of it’s real world counterpart.

Magazines of the time were small, and any weapon attempting to fire more than 1 round per completed moon cycle would rattle and recoil to the point of sheer uselessness. Sadly, the accuracy of this inaccuracy is not as well represented in the final game. Both sub and larger machine guns are more than capable of sustained, steady fire without troubling the local avian wildlife. At school, one of my earliest memories of the WW1 was a story of how a German unit had reported being under ‘intense machine gun fire’ from a British squad that turned out to be 4 guys with semi-automatic rifles just being absolutely sick at reloading. Clear British Propaganda origins aside, I immediately thought of this when I heard Battlefield 1 would be set during this period. Sadly, the ubiquity of accurate machine guns (including one that appears to just be two of the bastards sellotaped together?!) renders the use of these rifles largely pointless.

So incredible visuals and top notch gunplay. Two ingredients that make Battlefield 1 a fantastic addition not only to the series, but the slightly stilted genre in general. Throw in a decent narrative in the singleplayer and some reasonable tweaks to the ever popular online modes and you’ve got yourself a truly great game. With Call of Duty’s Infinite Warfare ready to strap rockets to its arse and fire off into shiny space, I for one am incredibly grateful that Battlefield 1 dares to take us back to a time of clunky, rusty imperfection. It is important not to trivialise an era of senseless loss and tragedy, but DICE have approached the subject matter with enough sensitivity and respect as to do it justice, whilst still creating a brilliantly entertaining product.

P.S You can ride a neigh-on (sorry) indestructible horse. Extra points to be awarded purely on this basis.

 

 

JRVG – Skyrim

I have to be completely honest at this stage;

I’ve never completed a Bethesda game.

It’s not through lack of trying, I’ve played The Elder Scrolls series, Doom, Brink, RAGE, Wolfenstein… I even played 10 minutes of Rogue Warrior before being hit with a wave of soul crushing angst that I was wasting what little life I had left.

Bethesda, famously, make wonderfully engrossing games set in huge open worlds with a thousand different avenues for adventure. So why can I never be bothered to finish them? And I mean ‘finish’ as in complete the actual story. I am in no way referring to the modern definition of modern video game completion where you have to walk around picking up a billion doorstops for no reason.

Perhaps I suffer from that most 21st century of afflictions; attention deficit. My counterpoint to that is that I sat through 5 unbearably long Harry Potter movies without leaving to go find the nearest wet paint sign.

My latest effort was with Fallout 4 but I inevitably fell into the same pattern:

Start out. ‘Okay opening sequences, I’ll bosh you out in a few minutes and crack on with this mutherflipper’.

*14 hours later*

‘That’s my character design out the way. I like how the scars on his face imply a violent past, that’s some sweet narrative design right there’

*a further interminable amount of time later*

‘See you later, introductory phases. I now know exactly what I’m doing. Time to get out there and make a difference’

*Time passes*

‘How the hell did I end up here? The mission waypoint is on the other side of the map and I’m stuck fighting what appears to be Satan himself with a nerf gun’

*Turn game off, never return*

Same exact process (tweak details based on whether Bethesda have the genre context setting switched to ‘Fantasy’ or ‘Future’) every single time.

I think it’s because the developers don’t make a very engaging case for exactly why you should care about your character. In TES: Oblivion, you are freed from prison, watch the Emperor get skewered and eventually get roped into sorting the whole mess out. The problem is, there is nothing stopping you from waltzing out of the front door and mooching about the beautifully rendered countryside for all time. If just one non-playable-character came up to you while you were picking daisies to shout ‘What the bloody hell are you doing?! There’s a gate to hell open in a school playground and you’re here faffing about with flowers?!

Now, I know I shouldn’t necessarily need to be reminded I should be protecting the school children from the gathering armies of darkness, but the fact that I can wilfully ignore my destiny in favour of chatting to locals in a pub with zero consequences robs the game of any incentive. It’s very much a case of ‘well there is a potential world ending crisis going on, but it can wait till you’re done climbing to the top of that mountain for no other reason than to satisfy your banal curiosity.’

Speaking of, my fondest memory of TES: Oblivion was in the middle of one such expedition to the top of a mountain. There I was in the middle of a sunny day, happily doing the whole ‘run-sideways-then-jump up’ to reach the tallest peak I could find when I happened upon an abandoned campsite. At least, I thought it was abandoned. I did the only reasonable thing imaginable which was to have a quick kip on one of the rolled out mats, (my climb having exhausted me, I liked to imagine). When I woke up, I was surrounded by a pack of baying creatures. It was dark and I couldn’t make them out, but the music had changed. We all know that means shit is about go down. Go down it did, and the same can be said for the oblivious (sorry) chumps that had threatened to disturb my slumber. The fools were dispatched just as quickly as they had appeared. I stood, steel sword gleaming in the moonlight, my vanquished enemies lying strewn across the grass. I sighed, more blood for the blood god. Yet I was uneasy, the unique nature of the situation had unsettled me. I was wounded so I decided to sleep again and that’s when the game informed me that I had been infected by Porphyric Haemophilia, more commonly known as Vampirism.

‘Sweet’ I thought, ‘I’m a motherfudging vampire. This will add a whole new layer to my character, another delicious slice of narrative to feed into my chronicle.’ At first I was right; I was stronger, quicker, bloody hard to kill and I could cut about in the sunlight with impunity. Up till this point I had already been a murderous swine, but this sent me over the edge. Now my killing had meaning, I was a complex anti-hero, like Spike from Buffy or maybe someone less shit. But then it started to unravel. One day I awoke from a night of needlessly dispatching bandits and innocents alike and as I strode out into the morning sun as I had done so countless times before, my character began to burn. I instinctively sought shelter, as one does when one’s skin is actively setting ablaze. Ducking in to the nearest tavern, I began to ponder my situation. I checked my character screen to see what the hell was going on and I noticed I had become haggered, wrinkled and gaunt. Shit. I also needed to heal so I went to one of the communal rooms to find a bed and that’s when I noticed the option to ‘feed’ on one of the other sleeping guests.

So I did, naturally.

A quick check on my character again and I could see my features had returned to normal. I went back outside to see the extent to which feeding had helped and this time there no sizzling flesh, no screams of agony and no need to go back indoors. A couple of days later, however, the curse returned. Now coming across helpless victims is pretty tough and I couldn’t be faffed wrangling with the city guard every time I needed to feed so I decided I would embrace my dark fate and become a fully fledged creature of the night. Unfortunately for my new-found-Nosferatu, the stages of the infection get worse and eventually leave you as some disfigured nightmare that, somewhat understandably, very few people want anything to do with.

Bloody rich coming from a society that will allow the giant, brutish, ultraviolent orcs to scoot about the place and nobody says a damn thing.

I’m not proud of what followed as it won’t make a great deal of sense to anyone. (Unless you’ve played The Sims in which case you know exactly what it’s like to play a game for hours on end simply to keep your character alive and not actually accomplish anything.) I would do enough to survive, steer clear of inhabited areas and only feed on those foolish enough to stray on to my turf at the dead of night. It took me about 16 hours of this to make me realise what the hell was going on, to turn the game off and literally never play it again. That save game is still on my Xbox 360, it haunts that machine like the very vampire curse itself.

I think that’s what wankers call Emergent Gameplay.

Just once I would love to play a Bethesda (and indeed, any open world game) where the events unfold around you and you can either get stuck in, do your job and save the day or just watch the world go to shit without raising so much as a disinterested eyebrow. If I was merrily shooting the breeze with a fellow daisy picker just to have a demon turn up and cave his head in as part of a larger world-ending cataclysm, I would not only avenge him, I would go on a murderous rampage to kill everything and everyone that demon had ever loved because I am volatile and prone to overreaction. If that rampage coincides with saving the day, then so be it but I would be establishing my own narrative and I might actually give a toss for once.

Seriously, in Fallout 4 essentially every single character you meet gives you a shedload of grief whilst simultaneously asking you for help. It would be incredibly rewarding to just sit and sip radioactive water as their pleas go unheeded, choosing rather to actively end your own life in a slow and excruciatingly painful fashion than help them just because they made some smart comment about your blue and yellow pyjamas.

So Skyrim re-mastered. Yeah I’ve played it. It is excellent. No I haven’t/will never finish it. If you need me, I’ll be picking daisies.